UKIP Blames Cats For Broken Britain

The Beezly Street Gazette

In his strongest attack yet on diversity, Nigel Farage says the country has been “taken over” by cats.

ukip cat

The unregulated breeding of cats for many centuries has left once proud Britain “A litter tray of shame”

The UK Independence Party leader said that although many cats live in luxury and don’t have to pay medical bills or rent, they make no contribution to the economy.

In his speech, he said that the arrival of cats from the Middle East in Roman times had proved to be disastrous for Britain. He told reporters how he had seen at least three cats on his way to the shops “Just lying around in the sun with their legs in the air. They didn’t even have the decency to put any underpants on. Does it make me feel slightly awkward? Yes it does. Do I think that parts of the UK belong to cats…

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Nick Clegg risks Tory anger by pressing on with incompetence

Pride's Purge

Lib Dem leader says party’s ineptitude needed ‘as much as ever’ in government.

Nick Clegg has signalled his determination to press ahead with his party’s core policy of being completely pointless in a move likely to anger Conservative MPs who have identified the issue as an electoral millstone that contributed to the dismal performance by coalition parties in last week’s local elections.

In an article for the Guardian, Clegg says that Lib Dem uselessness is needed “as much as ever” on issues such as the constitution and that the party will be pushing “harder for ineffectuality” in government. The tone of his remarks contrasts with that adopted by David Cameron in an article published in the Daily Telegraph, saying that the Conservatives needed to “focus more on not being inept”, and by the chancellor, George Osborne, who used an interview to depict the coalition’s previous policy of not doing anything at…

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BREAKING! Archaeologists find Cameron’s legendary lost balls deep in Honduras jungle

Pride's Purge


Archaeologists have reportedly discovered the legendary lost balls of British prime minister David Cameron, deep in the thick jungles of Honduras.

The balls – thought to have once belonged to the leader before he lost them while escaping brutal hand-to-hand debating with his enemies – were discovered while on an expedition to a remote valley of La Mosquitia to find the long lost spine of deputy prime minister Nick Clegg.

The team of specialists in archaeology and other fields, escorted by three British bushwhacking guides and a detail of Honduran special forces, discovered the lost Cameron family jewels in an area where an aerial survey had found evidence of a lost money-worshipping civilisation led by a ball-less leader, often depicted in contemporary images as a red-faced, chicken-livered phallus.

The dramatic news comes just weeks after scientists in the US claim to have succeeded in growing balls on Liberal Democrat test subjects in a laboratory.


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